Monday, October 02, 2006 @ 6:22 PM
I fear.
I've been seeing people leaving. I'm seeing people in the midst of leaving.
Please don't let it happen. I really don't want to think of the fact that you guys might go to hell and suffer. I don't want to see you guys hopeless without God. I don't want to see God getting hurt. I don't want to hate you guys for leaving God. Because I love you guys so much. I don't want to see myself hating God because you guys left, for I love Him too much. I don't want to hate myself for hating.
You guys mean so much to me. You guys mean so much to God. You guys mean so much.
I'm really afraid. I don't want any of it to happen. God, let it be the work of all the stress from studying.
If it's from You, use me to prevent any of it to happen.Otherwise, use someone! God, just don't.
I don't want to see You hurt, I don't want to see them suffer.
All of it didn't really bothered me until just know when I was studying with Rachel. I thought about it, and I suddenly was filled with fear. I started crying. I pretended to be sleeping/resting so that no one could see. But I was sad for those who left, so scared of those who might leave.
I really wanted to just leave and go home and seek God. I so wanted to just speak to God. So I did, I spoke to Him with my mind. I told Him everything. I prayed in my mind. God arranged me to get home earlier than I thought I would, I sat on my bed and cried to Him, " Hold me, God!", and I picked up the guitar.
I started playing "'Til I See You".
And I cried.
I was so touched from the inside out, so filled with God's presence, and I could feel His love for His people. I started crying and singing. I meant the song with all my heart, and I could feel God so close to me. He was holding me. I could feel His tears and heart for His people. The love, the compassion, how much He hated to even think how His people might just leave Him.
But He assured me too.
He will do His best for them.
So Lord, I'll trust in You. I'll live to love you, to praise you, to be a child in awe of You. 'Cause Lord, You are God of all, You are Worthy- So Lord I'll Bless Your name.
For You're the greatest love that anyone could ever know. You overcame the cross and grave to find my soul. Each and everyone of our soul. So 'til I see You face to face, and grace amazing takes me home-
I'll trust in You.
I'll trust in You.
Now, I'll say I'm puttin my trust in the Lord. I won't see any of them leaving. Yes, they won't.